And while you are at it, give some to your whining, bratty, bullying children! There I said it. I am SICK to death of certain mothers who think their own sweet little issues are incapable of acting like shitheads. Do you think W's backpack got superglued shut 'cuz she's just the most darling generous soul?? Do you think N got pushed on the playground because he was just trying to be someone's best friend?? And why, oh why, do you feel you must micromanage your child's social life?
These little grade school bullies are gonna get their asses kicked when they go to high school unless they learn:
1. how to solve their own problems
2. the universe is not revolving around their heads
3. you have to be a friend in order to make a friend
4. to have a least a small amount of tolerance for different personalities
5. how to be kind
Have I left anything out?
When my (older) kids got in any sort of trouble at school (and one did a lot, not naming names
* test case* :) or anything), my first question was usually- Well, what did you do?
Funny I don't ever recall running to their teachers, "wah! wah! my poor baby, the innocent sweetheart was victimized! wah! wah!"
breathe.relax.repeat
I feel better now.
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15 comments:
Well said! I just had an afternoon of taking 13 Year 7 (age 11-12) special needs kids swimming. The babyish whining really got me down, I even asked them if they wanted to go back to the Infants' class. The effect of that lasted...oooh, three minutes?
True story, Claire. I think that overall, kids have this sense of entitlement, which they have been taught by their parents. We watch "Judge Judy" and we see it all the time, the parents of the Defendant children sticking up for their kids, saying they believe them, when it's clear the kid is lying.
I can't help but wonder if the kids have absolutely no empathy for others b/c of the stuff they watch on TV and video games they play.
My mom was like yours!!
aw, that's sad. i hate to see kids being mean, i know, this is the real world though. I struggle to not be that parent who always sticks up for their kid. i want to show my kids that i trust and respect them, but at the same time, i respect their teachers too. we haven't really had much of an issue yet. (knocks on wood!) we have had my 7yo be the victim, and i use the word victim loosly here, of a little bullying. i told him that he had to stick up for himself. i said dont' let that kid do that to you. you have to show them that you won't let them treat you that way. but i also don't want him to be a bully. it's a hard call. and i don't know if that was the right thing to do, but that's what i did.
it's a good thing these kids have you to look out for them claire. sometimes the only good behaviour they see is at school. so many fo them arent' taught it at home.
Sounds like you've been having fun.
We had a problem last year with a kid who was very disruptive and often violent, at 8 years old. It turned out he was being beaten at home.
Sometimes adult intervention is needed.
I just read an article that said that this generation was the most self centered ever. Comes from the parents.
Rose
xo
val- even 'normal' 11-12 year olds are squirrely as hell what with being pre-teens and all. lol, hope it was an indoor pool!
jojo- I don't think video and tv is it per se. Parents don't spend enough time with their children, so they do watch more screen and then they are given so much stuff. It is a vicious circle. It comes down to personal decisions people make about how to raise their kids.
fezzi- I'm with you. I always told my kids, "Don't make trouble, but if trouble finds you- finish it". It seems that fighting among boys is almost a rite of passage at a certain age. If you don't stick up for yourself it gets heaped on all the more. Even tho our school district has the policy that both parties get suspended in a fight, I think if you are physically attacked you have the right to defend yourself.
cathy- Really these incidents are just ticky-tack things, but the two moms I had in mind just want to make a big deal drama out of nothing.
rose- absolutely it comes from the parents. It is all about taking responsibility.
I have a friend who thinks her oldest daughter and can do no wrong..She's convinced that if she gets into trouble, the teachers are 'out to get her'!
The scarey thing...My friend is a teacher!
LOL! Watch out kiddies! :)
With my gang, I am always trying to figure out what caused the fibbing behavior. And the thing is, it always comes back to being my stupid fault when I retrace my steps far back enough. Because ultimately, I am in control here. There are too many demands on parents and guardians in modern life, and not enough societal support structures. Because we don't get how critical it is to us all.
But still, when I am juggling 20 things, I have little patience for whining and carrying on. So I make a mental note about the behavior while being only as stern as I have to be to discourage repetition at that time.
I try and go back later when things are calmer and explore a little about why the child got into the habit, and explain how it made me feel to be on the receiving end of the behavior. It works like a charm with consistent repetition. The amount of repetition depends on how dense the child is, and how deep-seated the coping mechanism has become. It is very important to have eye contact during these sessions, and to use a compassionate, sincere tone of voice. Kids need to know it's coming from the heart.
And if it's dietary, or medical, don't even bother with the applied psychology. That's like turning up the heat when the window is open. (You can usually spot the ones with the dietary or medical cognitive injuries. They'll shoe it in the eyes, which will be tired or foggy.) Research shows that a depletion of essential fatty acids and certain vitamins and minerals will cause behavioral issues. So can sleeping disorders and allergies.
If the child is being ritually abused, all you can hope to do is provide a warm, affectionate counter-pressure while dealing directly and honestly with the source of the abuse. Often, a little positive reinforcement can correct deviant parenting behaviors.
Hope I have added a bit of insight. I love the blog! :)
LOL! shoe=show. :P
It's times like this that I'm so glad my children are perfect.
Children-no. I was talking about my husband.:)
I may not love the rats, but I couldn't agree with you more on this one. I was the same with my kids... I love them, I bolster their confidence and try to say all the right things, but if they were in trouble when they were little I also knew they weren't perfect little angels.
I worked in a school for ten years and saw the parents storm into the building outraged that their little Tom Dick or Harry could possibly be in the wrong... what message are they giving? The parents were not an example of how to behave. It was frightening.
have a great weekend
lotsa luv ann xxxxx
Amen. I hate this culture of blame that has taken over. Just stand up and take responsibility and stop trying to pretend that it's always someone else's fault--especially when it's your kids being the bullies.
Right there with you (and your readers on this one)! Personal responsibility appears to be a thing of the past and it is SO hard to raise your own kids to be decent and hardworking and responsible, when you are being undermined by other parents, televison, etc that constantly broadcast the message that kids are entitlted to everything. My 18 year old was angry with me yesterday because he forgot to get a drs note while at the allergist yesterday. He asked me to call and get it faxed to the school and I told him it was his responsibility to do it himself! He did it and we moved on!
Oh I couldn't agree more here - some parents are their children's worst enemies.
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